Where This Meets That
Last week, I lamented the bodies piling up in the Atlanta Falcons’ training room, explaining how they were the single biggest reason for the team’s poor start this season. I closed that post saying the Falcons’ first goal was simple: “. . . beat the Jets, and get to the week 6 bye on a winning note, preferably with no new injuries, then pray the bye week brings some serious healing.”
Well, that was then.
That was before the Falcons’ “walking dead” defense, with a linebacker squad and defensive backfield who have perhaps a combined two seasons of starting NFL experience between them, made Geno Smith, of all quarterbacks, look like Drew Brees, and Rex Ryan, of all head coaches, look like Sean Payton.
That was before already ailing ironman wide receiver Roddy White injured his hamstring.
That was before the Kryptonite astroid punched through the roof of the Georgia Dome on Monday Night Football and landed squarely on the foot of Superman wide receiver Julio Jones, probably knocking him out for the remainder of the season.
If “Rise-up-idemic” claims any more key players for the Falcons, owner Arthur Blank will be forced to move all remaining games to Friday nights, just to remain competitive.
Seriously. What a freaky fall from grace. Did Blank secretly make his fortune stealing candy from babies or strangling mewing kittens?
Meanwhile, the New Orleans Saints – ah yes, those guys, fresh off their disastrous 2012 penance for rewarding players who injured opposing players – are sitting precisely where the Falcons were this time last year: undefeated and in first place.
Before the Falcons wheezed their last gasp against a winning Jets kick Monday night, the Saints marched into Chicago’s Soldier Field and tamed the Bears as easily as Saint Francis of Assisi might have.
After moving the pieces around in my head since Julio’s bad news yesterday, it all now makes perfect sense.
New Orleans head coach Sean Payton, exiled last year for seeking to injure individual players, divorced his wife then spent his time readying his return to the NFL by kicking around the Caribbean and the shadier haunts of the Big Easy, known for its voodoo traditions.
Coincidence? I don’t think so.
His goal? To take out an entire team! And what team better to choose than the Saints’ archrival, the “10 yards from the Super Bowl” Atlanta Falcons?
Oh no? Prove me wrong.
Disclaimer: The above is intended to be satirical, not accusatory, and
therefore does not constitute libel.