Falcone's Crossroads

Where This Meets That

Dear Tech Support: Installing a Husband

Been slow on the blogging lately, as I’ve been recording a new song that’s taken all my spare time. I’ll be posting the song in coming days, but meantime, here’s a pretty funny email I received.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0..

In addition, before installing Husband 1.0, there were many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 that were running. And then after installing Husband 1.0, many undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 started running.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail..

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 . Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7…

Good Luck!
Tech Support

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3 comments on “Dear Tech Support: Installing a Husband

  1. pouringmyartout
    May 17, 2012

    Freekin brilliant. I am going to run a self-system check and upgrade my hardware… my wife will appreciate that.

  2. Grande Falcone
    May 17, 2012

    It’s tough to keep up to date. You gotta upgrade continuously or you’re obsolete really quick!

  3. pouringmyartout
    May 17, 2012

    That explains why my disk keeps popping out… sigh…

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This entry was posted on May 17, 2012 by in Crossing Guard and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .
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